Kindness should be priority in a any relationship, not just a marriage. If we’re being honest, we found our conflicts turning into explosive arguments where we were being anything but kind… and we realized we needed a change.
Whether it’s a friendship, a dating or engaged relationship, family members, or a years-long marriage, every relationship needs a list of priorities that can help you function. Boundaries, you might say! Simply put, you teach people how to treat you, and boundaries can be a great way to do that.
In our marriage, we came up with a list of 7 “Don’t” boundaries. Because we aren’t fans of only making rules, we came up with 7 “Do” actions to go right along with them. We even made a video where we talk about all of them!
- DON’T allow fighting or technology into the bedroom.
DO intentionally make the bedroom a safe, intimate, and sacred space.
- DON’T fight or confront each other in public or in groups.
DO affirm and encourage each other in front of others, and address concerns in private.
- DON’T vent or complain about each other to other people.
DO seek wisdom, advice, and counseling from others while framing the situation humbly.
- DON’T ever compare ourselves or our marriage to other people or marriages.
DO always seek a higher perspective (in our case, God’s) and celebrate the strengths of ourselves and others.
- DON’T use absolutes, extremes, or negations in conflict.
DO our best to believe the best of each other, and resolve the current conflict at hand.
- DON’T sleep separately as the result of an argument, hurt, or resentment.
DO unify physically, even if it means connecting touch through a conflict. (We did another video where we talked about key tools for conflict resolution, with respectful “connecting touch” being one of them!)
- DON’T neglect personal needs or self-care practices.
DO love the other person, and the people around us, out of healthy and generous overflow.
Do any of these resonate with you? We’d love to hear your relationship boundaries you’ve set, as well as how they’re working for you!
P.S. We shouted out a couple resources in our video; a few of them we admire and recommend are linked here: